Anatomy of the Nose

!بھائی لوگوں کی فیس بک

کل میں گوگل پر سرچ کرتے کرتے ایک ایسی ویب سائٹ پر جا  پونہچا جس پر بھائی لوگوں کا قبضہ تھا. میں یہ ویب سائٹ دیکھ کر کافی حیران ھوا کہ آرکٹ اور فیس بک کی کافی نہ تھیں کہ یہ ایک اور قبضے میں لے لی؟؟؟؟؟؟؟ ویسے تو عمران خان کی ویب سائٹ پر بھی آپ ہی کا قبضہ ہے. تا ہم سوچا کہ گھوم پھر کر دیکھ ہی لوں.زندگی کا کیا پتا!

ویب سائٹ پر ہر بھائی کی اپنی اپنی بیوی کی طرح اپنی اپنی پروفایل تھی. بھائی لوگوں کی پروفایل پکچرز پر گھوڑوں اور جہازوں کی تصویریں تھیں، جن پر انہوں نے متحدہ کے جھنڈے گاڑے ہوے تھے. انقلاب انقلاب کے نعروں والے پرچم علیحدہ تھے. یہ گھوڑے ایک پروفایل سے بھاگتے ہوے دوسری پروفایل پر جا رہے تھے. وہاں گھڑ سوار گھوڑوں سے اتر کر علاقے کے بگڑتے ہوے حالات پر بحث کر رہے تھے. طرح طرح کے تبصرے ہو رہے تھے. جنہیں سن سن کر ہم کانپ ہی رہے تھے کہ اچانک ایک طرف سے آواز آئ:     

"کراچی کے حالاات خراب کرنے والے اور اس کے ذمہ دار ذولفقار مرزا اور اسکی سرپرستی میں کام کرنے والی لینذ مافیہ ، ڈرگ مافیہ ، منشیات فروش اور دہشت گرد طالبان ہیں۔۔۔ "

پیر لندن  کا یہ فتویٰ سن کر ہمارے رونگٹے کھڑے ہو گئے اور ہم نے وہاں سے بھاگنے میں ہی عافیت جانی. کیوں کہ ہم کل ہی موصوف کی ایک ویڈیو یوٹیوب پر دیکھ رہے تھے جس میں پیر صاحب کچھ لوگوں سے بوریوں کا سائز مانگ رہے تھے.  ویسے بھی ہمیں پتا ہے کہ آج کل کراچی میں دہشت گردی عام ہے اور ہم دھشت گردوں کی لسٹ میں بھی شامل ہو سکتے ہیں. اور ابھی تو *سائٹ* پر ہمارے قدموں کے نشان بھی موجود ہیں. اگر ابھی کوئی یہاں آ نکلا تو ..........

یہ بھی شکر ہے کہ وہاں ویب سائٹ کی ٹریفک چیک کرنے کا کوئی انتظام نہ تھا. ورنہ جان نہ بھی جاتی تو کوئی بھائی ایزی لوڈ کے ذریے بھتہ تو مانگ ہی سکتا تھا. تاہم شکر ہے کہ جان بچ گئی.  کیا کہتے ہیں جی کہ جان ہی تو جہاں ہے. 

یہ ہمارا بھائی لوگوں سے دوسرا ٹکراؤ تھا، پہلا آرکٹ پر ھوا تھا، مگر یہاں کے اور آرکٹ کے بھائیوں میں کافی فرق دیکھا ہے . آرکٹ والے بھائیوں نے تو اپنی پروفایل پر جدید ترین اسلحے کی تصویروں کے انبار لگا رکھے تھے. جس سے ظاہر ہوتا تھا کہ *کام* کے وقت اکثر اسلحے سے شغل فرماتے ہیں. اس کے علاوہ آرکٹ پر عجیب و غریب گفتگو سننے کو ملتی تھی جو بھائی لوگ آپس میں کر رہے ہوتے تھے.

ہاں ایک بات تو آپ لوگوں کو بتانا بھول ہی گیا! کہ آتے وقت میں وہاں سے پیر صاحب کی ایک عدد تصویر بطور تبرک اٹھا لایا تھا. لیجئے آپ بھی ملاحظہ فرمایں.

اگر آپ بھی اپنی زندگی میں کبھی کسی بھائی یا بہن سے مل چکے ہیں یا آپ کی پاس ان کا دیا ھوا کوئی تحفہ، تمغہ یا میڈل موجود ہے تو ہمیں اس کی تصویر ضرور ارسال کریں. ہم آپ کی کہانی با تصویر پبلش کریں گے.. شکریہ

نوٹ: حساس جگہوں پر لگے ہوے میڈل والی تصویریں پبلش نہیں ہوں گی

بھائی لوگوں کے کارنامے جاننے کے لیے ہمارا بلاگ پڑھتے رہیے گا                

کہانی ایک شکار کی

آج کل پتا نہیں کیوں بچپن کی باتیں یاد آ جاتی ہیں. آج اپنے دوست عرفان کی یہ تصویریں دیکھ کر مجھے اپنے بچپن کے "شکار" کا ایک قصہ یاد آ گیا جو ہم گلہریوں کا کیا کرتے تھے. 

ہوا یوں کہ ہمیں کسی نے بتایا کہ اگر تم کسی نر گلہری کو پکڑو اور اس کے testicles کو نکال کر خشک کر لو اور پھر انھیں پیس کر ان میں سرخ مرچیں ڈال دو اور اس مکسچر ایک چٹکی کسی ایسی جگہ پھینک دو جہاں کسی لڑکی نے پیشاب کیا ہو تو وو تم سے "پھس" جاۓ گی. چنانچہ ہم (میرے ساتھ میرا کزن بھی تھا) نے گلہری کو پکڑنے کی کوشش شروع کر دی مگر جونہی ہم کسی گلہری کے قریب پوہنچتے وہ بھاگ جاتی. کئی ہفتوں کی بیکار کوشش کے بعد بھی نہ تو کوئی گلہری پھسی نہ بچی. 

How To Secure/Protect Wireless (Wifi) network by using WPA-PSK/WPA2-PSK on TP-LINK Wireless 11N Router?

Step 1 Open the web browser and type the IP address of the router (default is 192.168.1.1) into the address bar and then PressEnter.

Step 2 Type the username and password in the login page, the default username and password are both admin.

Step 3 Select Wireless->Wireless Settings on the left side menu to open the wireless setting page.

SSID: Set a new name for your wireless network.

Channel: It is better to be located to 1, 6 or 11 than Auto.

"Enable Wireless Router Radio" and "Enable SSID Broadcast" should be both ticked. 

Step 4 Click Save to save your settings.

Note: After clicking on Save button, it will pop up a message “The change of wireless config will not take effect until the Router reboots, please click here to reboot.” You needn’t reboot the router until you finish all the wireless settings.

Step 5 Select Wireless->Wireless security on the left side menu and check the WPA-PSK/WPA2-PSK option on the right side.

Version: WPA-PSK or WPA2-PSK

Encryption: TKIP or AES

PSK Password: set your password (the length of PSK Password is between 8 and 63 characters.) 

Step 6 Click Save to save your settings.

Step 7 select Systems Tools ->Reboot on the left side menu. Reboot the router to make all the settings take effect.

Note: If the security has been set up, you need configure the same security settings on the client (wireless adapter) in order to connect to the wireless network (router).

How To Secure/Protect Wireless (Wifi) network by using WEP encryption on TP-LINK wireless 11N Router?

Step 1 Open the web browser and type the IP address of the router (default is 192.168.1.1) into the address bar and then PressEnter.

Step 2 Type the username and password in the login page, the default username and password are both admin.

Step 3 Select Wireless->Wireless Settings on the left side menu to open the wireless setting page.

SSID: Set a new name for your wireless network.

Channel: It is better to be located to 1, 6 or 11 than Auto.

"Enable Wireless Router Radio" and "Enable SSID Broadcast" should be both ticked. 

Step 4 Click Save to save your settings.

Note: After clicking on Save button, it will pop up a message “The change of wireless config will not take effect until the Router reboots, please click here to reboot.” You needn’t reboot the router until you finish all the wireless settings.

Step 5 Select Wireless->Wireless security on the left side menu and check the WEP option on the right side.

Type and WEP key Format can be kept on default settings. Select a key, you can use any of them. We select Key 1 for example.

Change Key Type from Disabled to 64bit, type your key (password) into WEP Key box.

Based on the configuration here, you can enter 10 hexadecimal digits in the WEP Key box (any combination of 0-9, a-f, A-F).

Step 6 Click Save to save your settings.

Step 7 select Systems Tools ->Reboot on the left side menu. Reboot the router to make all the settings take effect.

Note:

1. If you had enabled the Wireless Security, but you do not set the key or your key is shorter than the key length, the wireless security function will be still not active even you had selected Shared Key as Authentication Type.

 2. If the WEP has been set up, you need configure the same security settings or type the password/key on the client in order to connect to the wireless network (router).

 3. You can select hexadecimal or ASCII as WEP Key Format, and please notice the Key length, ensure that your key is compatible with the Key length.        

For 64-bit encryption - You can enter 10 hexadecimal digits (any combination of 0-9, a-f, A-F, zero key is not permitted) or 5 ASCII characters.

For 128-bit encryption - You can enter 26 hexadecimal digits (any combination of 0-9, a-f, A-F, zero key is not permitted) or 13 ASCII characters.

For 152-bit encryption - You can enter 32 hexadecimal digits (any combination of 0-9, a-f, A-F, zero key is not permitted) or 16 ASCII characters.

An Analysis of The Origin of Naswar!!!

Few days back I received an email from some stupid spammer named Qadir Khan who claims himself to be a Pashtun Leader and is bent upon defending them in his own mind.
I asked him to stop mailing me but he didn't. Today he sent me follow email:

He made following claims:

•  Naswar was integral part of European culture…… Pathan in Europe make what is known as European culture. Tomorrow you will say that Bikini is part Pashtun culture :p and Bitcha Khan aka Sarhadi Ghandhi used to wear bikini and was burried in Burqini.

I think this photo shows that it is still integral part of European culture!!!!!!

• Napoleon used naswar…….. yes it is true I remember trucks of Naswar in his army. Infact he used it as a weapon also. check Naswaropedia for more info.
• Royal families around the world used it during 18 century. I think all members of these “Royal Families” should commit suicied now if they have anything similar to that called Ghairat in urdu…
• Due to smoking ban in public places use of Naswar in Europe has increased :p let’me check Naswaropedia. 
• French ambassador and his son both died of Naswar....... I wonder on such a low immunity of French people. shit!!!
• Eating or ingesting or doing whatever to Naswar was symbol of social status....hmmm oh yes Warren Buffett and Bill Gates also eat Naswar. In fact Bill Gates has decided to Change “Refresh” option in Windows 8 with “Take Naswar” so from onwards, computer will also used Naswar to improve it's performance….. Saudi Royal Family has decided to add Naswar in Petrol instead of lead. Prince Al Waleed Bin Talal bin Awal bin Qawal bin Shawal bin bin bin bin Dust Bin bin Recycle Bin has said that he uses Naswar in his Bugatti Veyron. This is the secret of spead that it gains.

• Recently Lockheed Martin was found to add Naswar in fuel of newly made F-35. Intelligence reports by KHAD have revealed that F-35 is a big fraud. It is an old plane that was used in 20^th century BC by Bacha Khan and his father Sharukh Khan. This plane runs on Naswar. Last year Raymond Davis had stolen its designe from ANP head quarter in Kabul and sold it to Lockheed Martin. A senior official in Lockheed Martin said on condition of anonymity that these reports are absolutely false. He said KHAD personal are dumbasses and know nothing about intelligence matters. They eat Naswar and take few sootas of Cannabis urf Chars then start flying towards heaven. They see so many things, note it down and report immediately once they land on ground. They see Naswar, Eat Naswar and think Naswar. So it is obssession for Naswar that is creating such reports.  When asked, how he knows such fine details about working of KHAD? He said “I was part of it for 15 years and I used the same method during this period. I produced various reports obout Pakistani nuclear program and its involvement in Afghanistan”.  When reporter asked “So none of your plane uses Naswar as fuel?” He said “Absolutely, but I can’t gaurentee you aboutEurofighter Typhoon. The speed it gians, can never ever be achieved without using Naswar”.  We could not contact any of the EADS official to get more information about Eurofighter.
• "Khyber car uses Naswar as fuel" said Amir Haider Khan kHoti.
• ANP leader Bushra Gobar says that Naswar is also used in bullets and tank rounds along with gun powder. The purpose of mixing Naswar with Gun Powder is to create great smoke, when they will be fired. This smoke will activate the minds of soldiers during war. They will not waste their time smoking cigarettes there. You know each and every second of war is important. She also mentioned the old wise saying that had nothing to do with Naswar previosuly, An inch of time cannot be baught with an inch of gold. “But now you can buy it with Naswar” she added.
• Another ANP leader Afrasiab Khattak claimed that Dr. Abdul Qadeer “Khan“ used Naswar in his atomic bomb. Our sources could not enter Kahuta to confirm this. So we contacted  Asma Jahangir who ordered an Indian funded NGO to send its spies, sorry activists, inside KRL, to bring few samples of urinum core. Samples have be sent to Paris to detect presence of Naswar in it.
• Residents of Iqbal Nagar said that these days train move away from tract, we think Mr. Blower is adding Naswar in fuel of trains as well. On pedestrian said we don’t let our children get close to railway tract. These days you can expect anything from trains.
• A team of Pakistani nuclear scientists including Dr. Firdus (ka) Ashiq Awan, Dr. Babar Awan, Dr. Rehman Davis, Dr. Yusuf Raza Gilani (PhD from Turkey) and others have invented a nuclear powered Donkey Fan. They said that it will be the biggest gift to People of Pakistan on fifth death anniversary of BB “Shaheed". Persident Zordari has announced his “One Donkey One Family Policy” yesterday. He said that he will send one donkey for every household. Listening this Rehman Milk started crying “Main nahen jaon ga, Main nahen jaon ga…..ween weeen o ween o weeen”. Wali Khan, while commenting on news, said that fan will provide more cooling if you feed Naswar to Donkey. Donkey will move faster and will not get tired easily. He urged all Donkies in KPK to use Naswar.
• PML-N leader Ch. Naswar said that he doesn’t use Naswar at all.
• Recenlty eToro has agreed to add Naswar among commodities that you can trade in it’s trading platform.  Talking to Bloomberg CEO of the company said; “Previously we only allowed trading Gold, Silver and Oil but now we have realized that it was a huge mistake. We should have added Naswar long long time ago.” Now people can buy Naswar Stocks and invest in Naswar as well. Immediately after this news there was a sharp rise in price of Naswar Stocks in Peshawar Stock Exchange.  
• Our sources claim that American Marines had captured Bannu ki F-16 Naswar in OBL’s compound in Abbottabad. After this Security Council has banned the famous “F16 Naswar” and declared Bannu, axis of evil.

Box of Naswar found in OBL's compound!!!

• Famous Historian Zaid Hamid said that Naswar is basically a fruit and our BrassTack teams take it before we start working every morning. It is sunnah of assHoly Profit Yusuf Kazzab.  
• Mirza Tahir said that Mirza Ghulam Ahmed Qadiyani always took Naswar Gosht in dinner along with juice of Bhang. He loved Naswar so much that he used suppositories of Naswar regularly. All ture followers of Mirza Sahib take a suppository on every Sunday since dawn to dusk. Our assHoly Profit used it 24/7 and 365 a year but common people can’t compete Huzur na-Pak so they only do once a week only for 12 hours.
• While commenting on origins of Naswar world renowned historian Afzal Khan Lala said that Naswar was used by Einstein and Sir Issac Newton. Newtons fourth law “Jo Maza Naswar Men Hy Na Ishq Men Hy Na Piyar Men Hay” is the proof that Newton used Naswar regularly.
• Famous paleontologist Zamrak Khan said that Hanging Gardens of Babylon also had tobacco trees in it. Leaves of these trees were used to make Naswar for King and Queen. This Naswar was the real cause of destruction of this great kingdom and indirectly the Hanging Gardens themselves. 

We interviewed hundreds of people among whom were world renowned historians, archaeologists, paleontologists, geologists, botanists, but could not find any satisfactory answer about origins of Naswar. However it is proved that Naswar was used in 2000 BC and even before that by Egyptian Pharaohs who asked their people to put some Naswar in Pyramids. If you have any knowledge about true origins of Naswar please write it down in comments.  

Anti-Asthmatics (Classification)