Breaking News: Mirza Ghulam Ahmed Qadiyani has been cloned in Biology lab of Govt. Taleem-ul-Islam High School Rabwa, told an official of Ahmadiyya Movement Against Islam to Reuters on condition of anonymity.
Official said: "When Huzoor na-Pak died and fell down in his shit then some of the epithelial cells of his skin were also lost and these cells were present in shit that was ultimately flown into a nearby gutter. Many cells of rectal epithelium also shed into faeces during normal process of defecation. Normally these cells are of nonkeratinized stratified squamous type but in case of Mirza Sahib these cells were keratinized due to frequent friction insults (Mirza Sahib being a gay). So we were especially searching for those cells. And at last we found them (he gave an exclamation of delight). The DNA was extracted from cells and was inserted into a developing zygote of an African baboon. The newly formed zygote was planted into uterus of a female donkey. Mirza Saheb took 12 months in uterus and was born yesterday. Huzur Pak is still in incubator. (he added)"
He said that cloning became possible due to tremendous efforts of street sweepers and development of gutter cleaning robots. He also told the news agency that very sophisticated gutter cleaning equipment was deployed in sewerage system of Lahore at strategic locations.
"It was very difficult to scan each and every cell passing through shit and it was a huge task." The whole water of Ravi River was also filtered and all living cells were collected. UV Light scanners were bought from Hawaii for this purpose. It costed Jamat about 37 billion US$ to clone Huzur Pak. "Money was given by MI5 because Mirza Sahib was there agent. But we don't care about money, even if we had to give it from our own pockets" said another official.
"His cells survived in gutter for more than a 100 years. This is another miracle of Mirza Sahib" said Mirza Masroor.
Replying to comments, Maulana Diesel said that "Shit was a perfect food for his cells so he survived so long". He also said that Mirza is "khoti da puttar" So he had a gestation period of 365 days that is the same as that of a donkey.
Clone of Mirza GA Qadiyani that is yet to be named may be named as Mirza-2 said a student of Biology at Taleem ul Islam High School.
Jamat has announced a prize of 1 billion US$ for sweepers of Lahore, who took care of their Prophet for 100 years. All sweepers will be given British Visas along with their families.
"Fanatic Mullahs want to kill newborn Mirza so he should be given asylum in Great Britain" said Mirza Masroor. It is yet to be decided that whether Mrs. Donkey will also go to UK with her son or he will go alone. Analyst Zaid Hamid said that it is illegal in UK to keep a suckling infant away from his mother so jenny must escort Mirza, because he has to suckle her milk for next 2.5 years.
Talking to Jew News, Zaid Hamid clarified that cloning of Mirza was not a zionist conspiracy and was predicted by Yusuf Kazzab in his poems. But he also expressed his anger that Mirza-2 was given Baljawan Ghutti, that was Indian made.
President Zordari, Mian Parwaz Shareef, Chaudhry Naswar, Surdar Zulfi-CaR Khussa, Mustafa Khur and other politicians congratulated the Mother of Mirza and sent cauliflowers to her.
